Breaking The Habit
by artemis347
Summary: Tala tries to break his habit but to no avail. he can't stop himself...after all, one more can't hut can it? (not drinking k pepople! something much worse and more unusual... i think). Angsty. Songfic to Breaking the Haibt by Linkin Park. hope you enj


Not my lyrics but yes my fic, no copying! Hope you enjoy this songfic! The lyrics's are from Linkin Park's album Meteora it's such a great CD! I love it!

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**BREAKING THE HABIT**

_/ Memories consume,_

_Like opening the wound,_

_I'm picking me apart again/_

"Don't you remember Tala? How it used to be like? How painful it was?" The little voice asked him.

Tala's thoughts went back to his childhood days at the Abbey, the days of his life that were filled with training to become the world champion, he had had so much life and purpose back then, it hurt to remember now that some of his friends were dead from the Abbey, either because they lost a battle against another friend or opponent.

Why do I do this to myself? Why do I force myself to remember all that, it's the past, it's not now, now, I live with Kai Hiwatari, have Sayora as a girlfriend and a career in painting and other stuff.

_/ You all assume,_

_I'm safe here in my room,_

_Unless I try to start again/_

He was safe now, no one could hurt him any more. But he wondered what if I hurt myself? Would anyone care? Would they ask? He drew out the small pocketknife and continued to remember all that he had had to endure, his resolve strengthening with each flash of memory in his mind.

_/I don't want to be the one that battles always choose,_

_But inside I realize,_

_That I'm the one confused/_

One feeling he still remembered from after the World Championships was that he never wanted to be choosing sides again. Why was I the one who had to make such a choice? What am I? Am I a traitor as I was told when I lost the match against Tyson? I really don't know. Why am I so confused, the way I was brought up everything was black and white, you win or you lose, failure is weakness. Do not lose. Why is it now, when all that is over that I begin to see the shades of gray?

_/I don't know what's worth fighting for,_

_Or why I have to scream,_

_I don't know why I instigate and say what I don't mean/_

What _was_ I fighting for? To prove myself to him. Maybe. But really, what else was there. I knew that any promises that we were given were fake. Why did I do that to myself? Why? Am I so easily fooled? Why did I deceive myself?

As the boy thought he became steadily more frustrated, up 'till the point where in cartoons they started to tear their hair out and scream or rant.

Why am I provoking myself so?

Am I really so masochistic?

No, not really.

What's wrong with me? I'm talking to myself! Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!

Okay, seriously now, something's wrong with me. Do really mean that…maybe. Everything seems so unreal. Like this is one hell of a realistic dream.

_/I don't know how I got this way,_

_I know it's not alright,_

_So I'm breaking the habit,_

_I breaking the habit,_

_Tonight/_

Tala looked at the proof that something wasn't right, after all it was on his body. The light lines marking where he had cut himself in attempt to prove that everything was real and that yes, he wasn't dreaming. But tonight he thought, tonight he would stop, never again. He wouldn't do it anymore. Nope, no sir-ree, never again.

_/ Clutching my cure,_

_I tightly lock the door,_

_I try to catch my breath again/_

But one more time couldn't hurt he told himself. Why would it? Damn! Just his luck, he just had to have left the pocketknife downstairs where he wouldn't be able to reach in it two seconds. Silently he walked downstairs, no sense in making anyone suspicious. Once he found it he ran quickly back to his room and caught his breath.

_/I hurt much more,_

_Than anytime before,_

_I had no options left again/_

Pulling out the knife he held it to his pale flesh of his shoulder. He dug the tip into his skin in a semi-long horizontal slash. His muscles tensed slightly before relaxing as the blade left his skin.

Ow! It hurt more than ever before. But he had made that damage that he wanted. He had made the cut. Tala pinched the skin around the cut, willing it to start bleeding. It was his choice. Though the blood beaded it did not fall in small rivulets like he'd seen pour from his body at the punishment he had undergone when he had lost the match against Tyson Granger.

_/ I don't want to be the one,_

_The battles always choose,_

_'Cause inside I realize,_

_That I'm the one confused_

_I don't know what's worth fighting for,_

_Or why I have to scream,_

_I don't know why I instigate and say what I don't mean,_

_I don't know how I got this way,_

_I know it's not alright,_

_So I'm breaking the habit,_

_I'm breaking the habit,_

_Tonight/_

Stop! He screamed at himself mentally. Stop blaming yourself. Stop hurting yourself. Stop it! Stop thinking it's your fault. But it is your fault. No! It isn't! You didn't do anything wrong! What's wrong with me?

_/ I'll paint it one the walls,_

_'Cause I'm the one at fault,_

_I'll never fight again,_

_And this is how it ends/_

Accidentally the shoulder with the open cut brushed against the wall painting a small section reddish-brown. He stared at it. So this wasn't a dream. Picking up his beyblade he wondered whether it would make to the finals again. He smiled a lost smile remembering all the new and old times. How everything had changed so much.

_/I don't what's worth fighting for,_

_Or why I have to scream,_

_I don't know why I instigate and say what I don't mean,_

_I don't know how I got this way,_

_I know it's not alright,_

_So I'm breaking the habit,_

_I'm breaking the habit,_

_Tonight/_

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That's was the ficcy! Hope ya liked it! Please SOMEBODY! Review InuYasha's Diary PLEASE! I need 8 more reviews befoe I can update! 


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